Writer's Block

Many a times when I do my daily rituals of going to office, coming back home, and sleeping, I find myself with really less feelings to express. There is no romanticism to life left sometimes and this happens to many of us doing our daily job. Its not that my job is really boring and I don't like it, but its work after all, it just can't be as poetic as love, friendships, sacrifices and all those wonderful things we have studied for ages, the unfathomable things! In the absence of these, life is a simple, plain and monotonous. No matter how much we try to define our job to be one of the next incredible things in the world, its just one way of consoling our own souls sometimes.

As I see, these feelings were definitely a part of me in the hey-days when I had loads of time to think, observe and write about the wonderful beauties this life has to offer, i.e. my college days. However when I started thinking about these recently and how for so many months I had not written a single line, it really struck me and forced me to ask "Am I really the writer I was". When I seldom go past my writings and feel the beauty in it, I sometimes fail to believe it were my hands writing them down and my mind and soul urging me to do so.

But now, my mind and soul has failed to respond, due to this sulky daily job life. My mind is so much out of thoughts, that once an opinionated writer, I fail to find anything to write about in absolute depth. And when I do start to write I end up in the writer's block. So I write some lines, trudging through the blockade created in my brain, just to write about my dilemma, "was I really the same writer?". In the end when I actually discover that despite not having any of the glorious feelings I used to think about, I still could write. This makes me wonder am I shrewd enough to put anything into a poem or am I really sharp minded.

Writer's Block

How I was a writer once 

This pen today questions 

As I ran out of words today 

And ideas more to say 

I wish I could have that flair 

When I wrote endlessly and with dare 

When words were fresh air that ventilate 

Now they make me vacillate 

I am confused at what I am doing 

Why I am writing or speaking 

Why do I work everyday 

Sapping out myself to dismay 

Drying up my words in the river 

That flowed once without shiver 

All this makes me debilitate 

And make my thoughts vacillate 

How I wonder this mind was sharp 

Acute enough to make others' warp 

Now for help which beckons 

When everyday life summons 

This mind now wishes to be free 

From this summoning decree 

The one which stops me to dilate 

And in between this fight I vacillate 

It makes me wonder now 

I wrote so much but how 

Am I really not acute 

Or am I just astute 

And how shall I know this 

Without my internal bliss 

How much I need all this to abate 

And make me not vacillate 

                             ---- Som Bose

Complain

Well for the readers of this blog, its a disclaimer that this is going to usually be poetry. While I saw some good response on my first blog post, I had decided to write another one. It was not really long, before I could pick this topic to write on. I saw a friend of mine complaining a lot about how things are going wrong and all because of someone else. We all know, when things go wrong they really go wrong in each and every aspect of our lives, and we start blaming. I couldn't help but write about this criticizing and complaining attitude of ours.

We do expect a lot from a lot of people. Of course expectations are bound to come when we have close friends, girlfriends ;) and so on. But that's not it, expectations are man's greed. We tend to expect a lot to happen special to us and end up into a blame game. When things go wrong, they aren't because of us but 'cause of someone else, is what we think.

This is a vicious cycle and we fail to understand that happiness is within. It is an irony that I am writing this at such an age, when the same thing one of my teachers repeated when I was preparing for JEE. A few things we should always remember, one, happiness lies within us and secondly, we should never have a complaining attitude. The more we complain the more we give ourselves the excuse for not making things right. A bit philosophical, but true in my opinion. But somehow, even me being a human got into this vicious blame game cycle and ended up complaining and forgot happiness was within. I forgot what was going wrong was not 'cause of someone else, but me and only I could solve it. It was this time, I remembered the words of my teacher and wrote this poem-

I hate you

I hate you 

'Cause you are not there 

When I need someone 

When my heart is about to tear 

In search of you, the one 

I hate you 

'Cause you made my life grim 

Made me alone and in pity 

Standing on the rim 

And waiting since eternity 

I hate you 

'Cause u never made it special 

Eating up my soul 

Like an everyday ritual 

Like you loved to be cruel 

I hate you 

'Cause you treat me like just somebody 

Not the one close to you 

You treat me like a body 

Not a soul made for a few 

I hate you 

'Cause you wiped out my smile 

Wiped out the glow on my face 

Crushed down my style 

And made me a puppet ace 

I hate you 

'Cause I never find you 

You are nowhere to be seen 

No trace, no clue 

How can you be so mean? 

I hate you 

'Cause I am confused 

Are you here or am I having liquor? 

Or to one we are reduced? 

Or am I standing in front of a mirror? 

                                                       - Som Bose

Nostalgia

I have been wondering of writing a blog for a long time, mostly because of the fact that I was kind of bored of doing the daily job routine. It is not really recent that I have been putting down my pen, but has been years that I have secretly written. With so many things to write about, I couldn’t pick a single thing as to where should I start. But then the question was answered when I was scrolling through Facebook, looking at my juniors who are passing out, and it is at this very time around two years back I wrote this for my batch mates. I being unluckily a 5 year dual degree student at my college, had to see my 4 year B.Tech friends walk away.

Every year I sat in the farewell of my batch, watching my seniors graduate. They would all tell stories of their stay at the campus, and me being a junior was all ears listening to all the advises they had to give.  But eventually when the time came for B.Tech fellows of my batch to say good bye to the campus, I had a shun silence inside me. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but realized it was so very near in time when I saw them one by one take there memento, give their speech and talk of what will happen in future. I realized I will be left with very less people in the campus. When I would come back, this campus won’t be the same. It won’t have more than half of my friends and  this thought of emptiness just left a tear trickling down, after all, we shared 4 years with them, seeing all the ups and downs. And that very night of the farewell, when we said “we will meet again”, I wrote this poem which is very close to me.

I Will Still See These Walls

I will be here when you are gone

Far away settling down

I will see the stars alone

And even the dawn

I will survive I know

But will miss your presence

I won’t be unhappy when you go

But can’t be happy in your absence

Life never stalls

And this feeling seems so lame

I will still see these walls

But they will never be the same

I am sorry for my mistakes

But I think you forgave me already

I am glad to have had stakes

With you my buddies through the journey

You have completed it

I am still left to go a mile

It seems these years were petite

In the stay here in exile

I cannot express, but I’ll miss you all

I am happy, to my life you came

I will still see these walls

But they will never be the same

                                                   - Som Bose